Questioning my decision...

Once again, I find myself questioning whether or not I made the right decision to move here. I love being able to see Auntie Dunk more but to be honest, we don't ever get a chance to talk much. And if we do, it's about other people or the kids or the schedule for the day or the week or whatever. I feel like life is flying by at a supersonic rate of speed and I have no time or opportunity to enjoy it or enjoy and interact with other people. I don't go out. In fact, I've only been out without Mac for a social excursion twice since I've been here. I still have no friends here. Well, friends that I can say are mine, in my age group, and people like me with whom I can relate too. I have questions for these people but no one to answer them. I am not going to ask those around me now, or my family, because they will not be able to answer them. What am I to do!? The more I spend my time here the more I miss Albq. I don't get it because I really wasn't all that happy there either. I had no job, was living on welfare, and felt stuck. Well here I am in Mpls and I currently have no job (though for different reasons), living off student loans until Mexico, and feel very much alone. I miss my friends in Albq. I may not have had many, none of which were single mothers, but at least I had friends in my age group, who had young children like mine; who played together and seemed like little toddler best friends! You know what seems so stupid? I had a washing machine in my home in Albq. and as ridiculous as this may sound, I miss having that. I think about it daily! I always had my laundry done and didn't have to deal with stairs or a toddler trailing behind. I had a yard for summer time play, lived in a house not attached or above anyone....I know, I'm complaining at this point, but really, I just don't know if it was a good decision anymore. Yes, it was a good one when it comes to decisions I made for Mac's well-being, especially down the road....but what about me? I can't neglect myself either. Isn't it supposed to be that I need to be happy in order to provide a happy home for my child? I find myself continuously neglecting myself in order to try and be strong and there for my boy (or even for other people). While it makes me feel good to do that (and maybe too it keeps me from having to focus on myself), it gets old and I get totally drained. I am exhausted. I know school is going to be over soon which will be a big relief, but it seems like the closer it gets, the more stressed and exhausted I get. Anyway....while Auntie Dunk loves it here in Mpls, I am not sure it is the right place for me to be in the long run.

I did manage to get some cleaning done in the living room. It is now clutter-free. However, the rest of the apt. is a mess.