Strength

It's been awhile since I've posted anything. Primarily because I just don't have the time. And, I still don't today, but was talking with me new boss last night (same job, new leader), and was telling her how I was feeling at that moment. It seemed to make perfect sense to me, what I told her, and my analogy seemed to be right on as well. Lately, for about the past 2 months I have been overwhelmed with every aspect of my life. It takes a lot of energy out of me, and I feel like my reserve energy was used up long ago. It's funny, when I'm at work, even if I've had dinner and eaten all throughout the day, with enough rest, I'll get up from my desk to go to the restroom or go ask a question, and I feel like I'm going to faint or feel rather light-headed. Anyway, back to the whole point of this post.

I feel like I have Mac and everything that goes with him (the care and attention 24/7/365, etc.) tied to my left arm with a short rope. My schooling, degree, almost done, need to get through this semester, etc., is tied to a short rope from my left leg, and then there's my work, having to meet stats, the horrible hours, the main constant source of income, pays the bills, rent, etc., tied to a short rope from my right leg. And here I am, desperately trying to hold onto a long rope with my right arm from a very tall building (the Sears Tower was the building that came to mind last night) just hanging there, holding on with all my strength in the middle of the building with neither the ground or the top of the building in sight, hoping and praying I'm not going to lose one of the three weights on each appendage, but also hoping and praying I don't let go of everything and come crashing to the ground. I am not depressed by any means. Not anywhere near were I was a few weeks ago...but, I just feel stuck, swinging on this rope, moving with the strong winds, trying not to get pooped on by any birds (LOL), ya know? It takes so much for me to muster up the energy to take each call I have to complete each night. And once I complete a call, I let out all the tension, all the air I held while on the call, and I'd have to find the energy again to do more. I feel exhausted, overdone, and while I have been able to find the energy so far, I am scared of the moment when I just won't be able to find anymore. I am hoping something will change soon.

Thanks for reading.